Aspergers: Nev Breaks Silence On Lifelong Developmental Disorder
Updated: Jan 16
What’s it like travelling through life with an undiagnosed developmental disorder? In recent years, I asked my mum if she ever knew it about me. Her reply was, “I always knew there was something different about you, but I didn’t have the heart to tell you.” Next I went to my sisters. One of them said “When you were young, it was cute. Then it was embarrassing!” My other sister said, "you always have been very different." The real introspection for me started a few years ago when my son, Sebastian, was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. The latest scientific study suggests this disorder is passed down genetically through the fathers family line. I’d never taken inventory of myself and always wondered why, in some areas of my life I would continue to struggle so badly. What’s it really like having Aspergers? I’ll start out by saying, I’m completely against labels. It’s different for everyone. Not any one person will fit 100% into a generic medical ‘label.’ As a kid, I had a deep yearning for connection with people, but was never able to achieve it. I was constantly on the search for recognition. In early high school, I was so busy trying to get everyone to like me, that I couldn’t concentrate on school work. My common grade was an ‘E.’ Another trait of Asperger’s people (a positive in some respects) is the ability to focus strongly on one thing, to the point where you’re obsessed. When I was 13 and I told my mum I wanted to be a commercial pilot, she said “you need to get ‘A’ grades!" Then my focus changed, worked my way up and managed to graduate Grade 12 with a rank of 85% and studied Math’s 1, Math’s 2, Chemistry, Physics and English. The interesting thing is this. My motivation to become a commercial pilot wasn’t because I wanted to do it. I wasn’t even passionate about sitting in an airplane cockpit. I wanted people to recognise me. I remember being a kid in an airport, seeing the pilots walk through with the flight attendants and thinking, “Wow, everyone must think they’re so smart. I want people to think that about me!” I went on this destructive path of achievement just for the recognition of people. I never did anything for myself.
I soon found that airline flying was extremely boring. I'm very good with hand-eye-foot coordination and love thrill seeking. Hence why recreational flying was fun. Also motorbiking, cycling, boating, bungee jumping. But sit me in an airline seat to watch the autopilot fly for hours and hours - hell! This is reflected in my captain training booklet below...
Just be quiet! I can’t count the amount of times my sisters have said to me, “Shhh Nev! I’m right here! You don’t need to yell!” I never had any idea I was talking at a volume. I thought maybe I was going deaf, so I went and got a hearing check done at 18 years old and my hearing came back perfect. To follow on from this, my first year of flying college at 18 years old saw all my flying buddies give me a new name. “Decibel.” The guys at flying college picked up on the fact that I talk too loudly and coined me with the nickname ‘decibel.’ What were we talking about? Group situations were hard. They sometimes still are. I’ve lost count the amount of times I’ve been at a dinner table with either friends or family, and everyone would be enjoying a conversation about something. While that conversation was going on, I’d be paying attention to something in my own mind that I found interesting. It wasn’t uncommon of me to blurt out what I was thinking, completely killing the group conversation. Awkward silences followed, but I was sure people would have been really interested in what I wanted to talk about! The penny dropped when I did this one day at 28 years old, and I saw the dissapointed look on my sisters face. Her face represented a mix of, “Don’t get angry him. It’s just Nev. I hope he gets better one day.” Get me out of here! It bears mentioning again: social situations are so extremely hard. I’ve been known my whole life to do ‘ghosties’ in social situations. That is, you feel so awkward you pretend to go to the toilet, but you bust out of the joint and go home. Everyone around me seemed to be able to make conversation so easily in noisy environments, like at the pub. For me it was a real task. People picked up on that and I’d be just left standing on my own. Be that as it may - I love public speaking. Go figure? The craving for intimacy but not being able to handle all situations Then there’s intimate relationships. Aspergers people can quite commonly cut people out of their lives at the drop of a hat when things go bad. I’ve done this more times than I can remember. Anger lasted longer than normal. So did grudges. It’s like a light switch. What’s sad is that aspergers people get off on others trying to get back into your life after you cut them out; as if their struggle back to you was what you’re looking for. It’s a form of recognition.
Where do I look? Eye contact - what a task! It always worried me where I should look when people talk to me. For a while I tried looking at the tip of their nose, or their forehead… anywhere but the eyes. I remember once, I was so wound up not knowing where to look, I completely forgot what the conversation was about.
I lasted until about the age of 31 before the primary emotions of my life became sadness, loneliness and confusion. I had a deep desire to know why I didn't have many friends left, how I let my piloting career fail, how did I get so lucky that my son has autism, how did I get 25kg overweight? Finally I went to the doctor looking for answers. Right there on the spot he diagnosed me with anxiety. Then I got a referral to a psychologist and a social worker - who quickly diagnosed me with depression and recommended I start on anti-depressants.
I never went and got the prescription filled - and so glad I didn't.
Since reading "The Biology of Belief," by Dr Bruce Lipton, my understanding of the mind, body and spirit changed completely. I look at this photo (above) and know deep down inside that I've changed every single cell of my body. All of the cells and molecules of your body are actually little 'minds.' Dr Lipton explains that the millions of cells that make up your body are heavily influenced by your mind and your environment.
These days I don’t consider myself to actually have any diagnosable psychological disorders. Why? Because thanks to NLP and Time Line Therapy®, the primary emotions of my life are what I choose - love, happiness, joy, excitement, exhilaration, thrill and passion. I don’t care if you’re autistic, aspergers, ADHD, dyslexic or even laying on your death bed; if the primary emotions of your life are anger, sadness, depression, guilt... then it doesn’t matter what label you have. Your life isn’t love or happiness. So if you’ve been slammed with a label, have a look at the emotions you live on a daily basis. If you've managed to find a system that makes you filled with love and joy - what’s the problem? That's what NLP and Time Line Therapy did for me. NLP also allows me, on a daily basis, to undo old strategies that lead to behaviours otherwise known as "aspergers traits."
A better father, a better brother, a better son, a better person
I'm so excited for my sons future, since I know about the imprint and modelling years a child goes through. I'm constantly feeding him with empowering, positive suggestions. I even do hypnosis with him at night as he's falling asleep. This has enabled me to help him overcome a fear of the dark, a fear of going to the toilet, and to even get him to eat certain foods. It's actually gotten to a point now where most people say - "I'd never have known he has autism!"
Since learning NLP, my family (especially my sisters) have said that they can't believe the change I've gone through.
An Energetic Connection Like No Other
"My Aspergers" (have you noticed how people use this term, "My depression, My anxiety, My ADHD, My dyslexia") has meant that I have the ability to become extremely obsessed with something. For me, it's watching people heal in different ways. Dion Fortune said, "Any esoteric study should be preceded with a study of the mind. For the mind of man and the mind of God are one of the same thing." Since studying NLP, I've done courses in Energy Work, Astrology, Hawaiian Huna, to name a few. There are some things that science can't explain. For instance, how is it possible that I spend 1.5 hours chatting with a client who had a lifetime of anxiety, and without any formal therapy, managed to 100% get rid of it?
I remember another example of a client who came to me with debilitating plantar fasciitis; to the point where she would cry because she couldn't even walk 2 metres without excruciating pain in her foot. After administering acupuncture needles, she's never had plantar fasciitis again. Was it the acupuncture needles, the chat we had during the therapy, the power of the universe working through me? Was it my intention? Or a mixture of all these things?
When you learn the laws that govern the universe, you will discover the power of your intention, or your 'will.'
The mind is like a parachute: it only works when it's open!
Something I've learned is, our adversities are always ready to serve us. Had I not gone through all this, I'd have never found my calling in healing. (Disclaimer: I do not do the healing; I show people how to heal themselves). Every adversity carries with it the seed of an equivalent success.
I've had aspergers. My son had autism. My mum had bowel cancer. I failed at an 11 year pilot career. My dad is an alcoholic. My nana was an alcoholic. The list goes on...
The question is: what are YOU going to do? When you move from being at the effect of everything else in your life, to being at CAUSE for what you want... you find an almighty sense of freedom. The chains that appear to be around your neck are so loosely fitted, you can slide them off with ease... simply by being at 'cause.'
I look forward to teaching you about cause & effect at our next training.
Nev is a registered clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP Trainer, Master Time Line Therapy® Trainer, and Hypnotherapy Trainer. He spent 11-years as a commercial pilot, but found his passion in healing. Heading through his childhood and early adulthood as undiagnosed aspergers, he struggled through the adversities and finally found the healing he needed through NLP, Time Line Therapy® and Hypnotherapy. One of his favourite sayings is, "All magic is in the will!"